Think Living Together Will Change His Mind Don’t Count on it
While on a summer vacation you meet the man of your dreams who seems your perfect match. He’s a bit older than you, more experienced, and has been married before. This doesn’t bother you. In fact, it makes him more desirable because he has had the life experiences you crave. As the end of summer approaches, and the sorrow of leaving your summer romance sets in, he proposes. Not a marriage proposal, but a proposal that you leave your home and move in with him. You are thrilled! Not only will your summer romance continue, but his proposal drives home his desire for you, for marriage, for a family. Doesn’t it?
Don’t count on it. While the prospect of living together, or cohabiting, is an idea that is thrilling to women because it seems a precursor to marriage, men see living together as an alternative to marriage. Living together is a way for him to have you in his life, for good and for bad, in sickness and in health, until something else catches his eye. While it is true that couples who are living together often end up getting married, there are many couples for whom living together ends in a broken lease and packed boxes. Before you decide to uproot your life and begin living together with a man you hardly know, there are a few serious things you should discuss.
• First, what financial contributions are you expected to make once you are living together? Although this seems mundane, you would be surprised how fiery fights over splitting rent and groceries can get once you are living together! Before moving in, hammer out those details so that you both know who pays what bills once you are living together.
• Second, what is the status of his previous marriage? Does he still communicate with his ex-wife? Do they have children? If so, will you be consigned to the couch if Junior sleeps over? These are things you must prepare for before living together, and the first step in preparation is to know what you are getting yourself into.
• Third, what are his views on future marriage and family? Before you pack up your old life and start a new one living together with him, find out if his goals for the future match yours. I am not suggesting that you give the poor man an ultimatum before agreeing to living together, but ask him if he sees himself getting married again, and if he wants a family in his future. If he says no, and you want badly for him to say yes, tell him your dreams of marriage and family.
If he refuses to consider marriage, to you or anyone else, and instead prefers living together, you should reconsider how perfect of a match he is for you. And if you ignore your instincts and move in with him anyway, thinking that living together will change his mind? Be prepared for disappointment.
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